Bringing Up Boys

I just finished reading Bringing Up Boys by Dr. James Dobson. There were a few issues that I just didn't agree with him on, but much of the book reminded me to take a long-sighted view of parenting and reiterated the values that I sometimes forget in the day-to-day rush. Below, my favorite paragraph:

Your task as a mother or father is to build a man out of the raw materials available implicitly in your delightful little boy. Construct him stone upon stone and precept upon precept. Never assume for a moment that you can go off and “do your own thing” without serious consequences for him and his sister. It is my conviction that those who choose to bring a child into the world must give that boy or girl highest priority for a period of time. It will not always be required of moms and dads. Before they know it, that youngster will become a young man, who will pack his bags and take his first halting steps into the adult world. Then it will be their turn. By all expectations, you as a parent should have decades of health and vigor left to invest in whatever God calls you to do. But for now, there is a higher calling. I feel obligated to tell you this, whether my words are popular or not. Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility. Besides, living by that priority when our children are small will produce the greatest rewards at maturity.

Bringing Up Boys, Dr. James Dobson

I would have agreed with this whole-heartedly before having children, but only now am I beginning to understand what it means.

The Hunter

In our neighborhood, there is an alarm clock bird. He starts squawking between 5 and 5:30 am every morning, annoyingly and repetitively and alarmingly. Without A/C, we prefer to sleep with our windows open to let in the cool night air, but this bird is making that less preferable. Even with the windows closed, his caw is loud enough to wake us up.

We were pretty sure the bird was sitting right outside our window. This morning, Luke jumped up, loaded his air gun with pellets (non-lethal), and went hunting. THE BIRD WAS SEVERAL APARTMENTS OVER, sitting at the top of a tall tree. Unfortunately, the air gun didn't have enough oomph to hit the bird. I abhor that bird, but do admire his amazing ability to project.

Hopefully the neighbors won't mind the baby cries that are coming since they've been broken in by bird cries.

Birth order

Another picture from this weekend: 3 oldest children, 3 youngest children, and one in between:

Dad K (2nd of 3), Mom K (7th of 7 ... but it's confusing), Me (1st of 2), Scott (1st of ?), Luke (1st of 6), Mom W (3rd of 3), Dad W (4th of 4)

Luke and I kind of feel/worry that we'll tend to side with Scott in sibling battles because he's the oldest and we GET how it feels to be the oldest.* This means that we plan on making the little siblings "wait their turn" for things as much as possible. (You can make the younger ones wait to, say, have their first sleepover or go to their first movie, but can't exclude them from big family outings just because #1 didn't get to see a theme park until they were 5.) We like the idea of setting up rights of passage for kids, like our parents did. I remember getting my ears pierced was a BIG DEAL.

As the oldest, we also feel a little jealous of how cool our younger siblings always were. Their social skills were so much more developed at much younger ages.

Do you think birth order has affected you? How? And do you gravitate towards close friends/partners that have the same birth order?

*A side story about parents picking sides based on birth order: When I was 16, I decided my sister's room was better than mine and I wanted to switch. She was 14 and did not want to trade. My dad told her she had to because I was the oldest (and going to move out soon and then she could have whatever room she wanted). CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I still can't. Neither can she. It was awesome.

GRANDparents

My parents, Luke's parents, and both Luke and I spent the whole weekend with Scott. (FAT VALS have LANDED, which is Mozilla-speak for YAY, Luke gets weekends off work again!) Scott was very very happy to have several loving adults doting on him at every moment. I realized again how lucky, blessed, and spoiled we are to have fun, healthy, involved parents and how much Scott is going to enjoy knowing them as he grows up. Scott spent Saturday night at a hotel with Grandpa & Flash and this morning he left with Cap & Juju, waving out the backseat window as they begin their cross-country adventure to the Koop reunion in Minnesota. (I'm flying out Saturday to pick him up.)

Sunday at the beach in Santa Cruz. I love this picture.

Our plans as non-parents for a week? A movie, dinner out, me carrying a tiny purse (no need to fit a diaper, snack, and toy car in!), and staying out of the house past 9 pm! I know I'll miss him, but it's exciting to be just Luke & me for a little while. In 7 weeks, +/-, we'll have 2 little boys and a whole new world of happiness and exhaustion.

... which reminds me: this morning the midwife did the Leopold's maneuvers (c is not particularly comfortable) and baby Wagner is head down! Good sign for uncomplicated delivery.

In other news, my poor Karen is still in quite a bit of pain from her shattered elbow. She's a tough mountain biker, but the mountain won this time around. You're on my mind girl.

A few new Scott stories:

Scott likes to look at my belly and talk about babies, though I'm sure it's all very confusing to him. He sits down and points at my shirt and says "Open?" which means to lift it up, and then he sometimes talks to my belly button, or hands it toys. Today he said "Drink?" and went to get his sippy cup and tried to give a sip to my belly button. That's very sweet.

Scott also loves TRUCKS. Today I pointed to a cement truck and he looked confused and asked "Mint?", pointing to his mouth. (We got a box of those really good 3 hr breath mint things yesterday and have been eating lots.)

He sleeps in the big bed! It's a twin mattress on the floor and he's doing really well in there. He's been there almost 2 weeks. In the mornings, he trots into our room (I usually wake up just in time to hear his footsteps coming down the hall), says "Mommy. Daddy." and lays down with us for 20 or 30 minutes before getting up for the day. It is WONDERFUL. It is so sweet. I would not have believed it during the infant months of screaming to sleep and waking up so frequently. I hope I can have a better sense of perspective with baby #2.

I like beards

Favorite author:

John Steinbeck. Good.

Favorite rocker:

Dave Grohl. Better.

Favorite:

Husband. Best.

San Gregorio State Beach

My parents were in town for a week and a half and it was so much fun. I love them. And so does Scott. Every morning he would jump out of his big bed (he's been out of the crib for a few days!) and run to theirs to wake up "Cap and Juju".

While they were here, we visited tons of beaches, ate really good ice cream (chocolate chip raspberry and cabernet ... yum), refinished deck furniture, and discussed how to arrange the boys' room for the new baby brother. My mom and I talked non-stop for 9 days.

Last night at dinner time, my dad decided he'd like to make it to the coast by sunset for a few more pictures of orange tinted skies over the Pacific. We picked up burritos and drove over the mountains to San Gregorio State Beach -- really great place. Unfortunately it was overcast and there was no sight of the sun, but we gathered driftwood and build a little fire*, made some friends, and roasted marshmallows. Scott took the picture of my Dad and I like it!

*Mom & I built that fire! We were excited -- didn't know we knew how to do that! Yay for Girl Scouts!