Preschool Party!

Scott's preschool is a force of love in the world. Look who dropped by the party!

Christmas 2012

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There is pain in the world.  There are babies whose bodies give out before they have a chance to use them and children whose lives are stolen from them while they are still all potential.  There are men and women with minds trapped in sad or angry places who long to be free, and others who love them and ache for them to feel that love. This is a heavy December and “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” isn’t going to cut it.

In middle school, I used to write notes that that spilled over with worries about crushes and families and who I was going to be and then write “Smile! Jesus loves you!” on the outside.  Sticking a smiley face over it all didn't cover my pain and I felt bad for not being cheery.  Posting pictures of my smiling children feels like drawing a smiley face over heartbreak and it isn't real right now.

But I believe that the “Jesus loves you” is real.  I believe that 2,000 years ago, a child was born who became a man who understood suffering and evil there is more than anyone else, because he knew true goodness more than anyone else.  I believe he faced suffering, choosing with full informed consent to act in love.  I believe that he was able to do this because he was a man and God, and that because He did it, I am able to act in love, too.  I believe He came to earth to show love, not condemnation.  I believe that it is scary to write this because you might disagree and think I’m not smart, and my desire to be seen as smart is strong.

I believe love drives out fear.  Gathering around a heartbroken family brings love into the world.  Hugging your friends' babies when you've lost your own brings love.  Acting with patience, kindness, and self-control when those are not returned; putting flowers on your doorstep or sending kind notes when you do not feel cheery; waking up with a colicky baby for the 9^th time that night; being diligent instead of lazy; being humble rather than powerful: it is love.

I stand with the warriors for love.  It is a painful world and a beautiful world.  I am glad to be in it. 



 

Swimming at the Y!

Rainy day

You would not believe how long it takes to dress 2 boys in 2 swim shorts, 2 t shirts, 2 raincoats, 2 umbrellas, and 4 rain boots. Thank goodness it's California and we don't need hats, socks, and mittens too!

Our littlest elf!

Astronaut Santa

He loves his friends, graham crackers, and moomies.

October and November

So much good stuff has happened these past months!  Let me share some:

1.  Ellen, Flash, and Auntie Ree visited for June's sixth week of life.  They were wonderful: bringing crafts and snacks, making meatballs, replenishing our pantry, making special time for the boys and taking us swimming at the hotel pool.

The family ladies really stepped it up this year.  Karen, my mom, and the Wagner ladies made it possible for me to recover and step into mothering 3 little by little.  THANK YOU! I will pay it forward!

2.  Luke traveled to Denmark for a week/I earned my Mother-of-Three badge.  So glad he got to go, so glad he's home.  (OK, we saw Karen 3 of the 7 days he was gone, so I wasn't totally on my own ...)

3.  Scott says funny things
Mother of classmate: Is that little boy your brother?
Scott: Yes.  His name is Twenty-four-hundred.  He like to be called Mark, but his name is really Twenty-four-hundred.

4.  Mark says funny things
nail clippers = "Almost dones"
gloves = "Hi Hi"s (one glove is just a "Hi")
anything in the oven = "so hots" ... like "Wanna so hot?  So hot Mark?  Me? I? So hot PLEEEEASE."

5.  Karen got us in to the LLNL Family Day that happens once every 5 years.  It was amazing and I love her. Check it out:

My vote for Christmas card photo!  I love this picture.  My eyebrow shows that I think this is the coolest thing that has every happened.  June looks ridiculous.  Luke is bicep curling 80 lbs of sons.

This is Niffy.  The construction crew unearthed a mammoth bone building the NIF, so then our best and brightest physicists ... took a break to build this dude out of caulk?  Or maybe it was a LLNL preschool art project.

This is Luke's vote for family Christmas photo.  The supercomputer room is warm and filled with white noise and our kids PASSED OUT. AT THE SAME TIME!  I would like an audio recording of all those computers running, please.

Watching s'mores melt

We all miss Dad; we needed a little marshmallow and chocolate.

Scott wore his long-johns and rain boots to the grocery store and carried his book with the recorded voices of the Wagners reading Twas the Night Before Christmas. And, whew, that kind of cute makes up for a lot of messy clean-ups.

Hanging out

Lazy Saturday

1,000 words

June smiles

Hipster baby

He rides a fixie with training wheels.

Reality sets in

All the other grown-ups are back to their lives this week. And so the refrigerator's dead and can't be replaced until tomorrow, transmission's busted on the VW, and I've got milk issues making me a little sick. Ahhh, the babymoon is over family!

STILL happy though. Sweaty (it's been over 90 with no ac anywhere), smelly (yesterday I was holding a screaming boy in time out and he pinched his nose an said "Mommy's stinky!"), sleepy, but HAPPY. And yesterday I took all 3 babes to an 8 am doctor's appointment and got all of us flu shots after, so I'm earning my mother-of-three stripes.

But, Ellen and Flash? Get here soon. :)

San Francisco Fog

September in San Francisco. When we exited the bridge to the north, clear blue skies.

Grandpa was here!

September to Remember

Oh what a month! I promised June when she was still gestating -- 2 weeks past the due date! -- that life would be more interesting on the outside, and we have delivered on that promise. Visits from Aunt Karen and Uncle Daniel, Juju, and Grandpa! THREE birthday parties (one for her brothers and two for friends). Trips to the USS Hornet air craft carrier, Happy Hollow, the Bay Area Discovery Museum, and the SF Zoo. A hike in the Santa Cruz mountains. Little love, we have enjoyed your first month. We like your company.

Our 4 year old

This is Scott. He turned 4 last week and it is a wonderful age! He plays out long imaginary scenes with his toys (like the tiny gorilla and dinosaurs he has here), he sings songs to June, he recites rhymes with his preschool teacher. He's charming. We have so much fun with our little guy. Happy birthday Astronaut Scott, we love you to moon and back!

Juju and June

Look at those beautiful, sunny California ladies. 11 days of full-time Luke, and now my mom is here for 10 days! And then more Luke and more family help after that. This just might be the best month ever.

Houston, we have a 2 year old

Marky is TWO! He loves airplanes and is pretty fond of helicopters, fire trucks, construction equipment with scoops, tiny birds, and sunglasses as well. He's a great little brother and copies Scott as much as possible: taking off his shirt when Scott does, walking silly if Scott does, crying if not allowed to climb where Scott is, and so on. Mark is usually the first person awake in the house and he's delightful in the mornings with his snuggles and requests for a milk cup. He's a great BIG brother, too, and very sweet to June, but I think the lack of focused attention has been a little hard for him. It's a little hard for me because I've missed rocking his little (big) self to sleep. I love watching those big eyes slowly close.

Dear son, I am so looking forward to more trips around the sun with you. We are so thankful you were sent to our family!

Movies

Our 3 littles, AJ:

ML:

and SA:

Happy lucky family!

Sweet dreams, sweethearts

Day 3 of life was particularly exhausting for June and particularly lovely me. More soon. Kisses from CA.

Baby June!

Guest writer - Karen

The boys came to meet their baby sister today!
Interviewing my sis:
Karen: How does it feel to be a family of 5?!
Jenn: It feels good.
Karen:
Jenn: I've slept 2.5 hours.

Introducing Annika June Wagner, born 9/6 at 1:01 am.  8 lbs 1 oz, 20 inches long and red hair!

And, finally, this is Mark pointing to himself and saying, "Mark" which is his new favorite thing.  You should skype and see it - it's awesome.

Congratulations Wagner Fam of 5!!!

Cute stuff

Adorable!  (This girl's t-shirt would have needed AT LEAST 41 weeks though!)

Manly Man

Today Luke was a carpenter, repairing the cradle. He used the wood scraps to carve these awesome little dinosaur figures for the boys. Then he took them on a 6 mile hike while I rested.

He is the man. He is my man. I am happy.

41+2

Lots of baby!

Before she's born

Today I went in for a checkup and Little Girl looks healthy and not so little! Since we're 8 days beyond the due date I had an ultrasound and the estimate for weight is OVER 9 pounds! And she's still growing! Good thing we didn't buy many newborn size diapers.

After seeing her face I am very ready to be holding her. She looks too sweet and squished, it's time. I was sent home and told to rest, which the boys love because it means a movie afternoon.

Daughter, here are the things I know about you:

1) You have some hair. I saw it on the ultrasound.

2) You like juice and massages. When I drink juice or when Luke rubs my shoulders, back, or feet you kick like crazy.

3) You are feisty with your big brothers. When I try to squeeze all of us into the rocking chair you kick at whoever is squishing you. Good! You'll need that fighting spirit, though I have a feeling they'll turn into good protectors soon.

Now come out so we can learn more!

40+5

I'm now 5 days MORE PREGNANT than this picture.  Baby #3 has the new record for longest gestation!  A good reason to stop before #4???

Sunday with Krispy Kreme

If the boys have good behavior at church, we like to get treats. Fun Wagner family trivia: when I met 18 year old Luke, I forgot his name. He wore a Krispy Kreme hat so I called him Krispy Kreme for a while.

Due date

A very fun day: ate muffins with Cap at the airport, hung out with Aunt Karen, had a healthy checkup with the midwife, drank bubble tea, cooked Indian food for dinner, and went to book club for East of Eden, my favorite novel. We also hiked Rancho San Antonio in hopes of getting baby girl moving -- nada. More time with these two handsome boys (and their ugly alien toy) it is!

Last time ... ?

Tomorrow is the due date. I keep wondering if each park stop, grocery trip, or bedtime will be my last as a mother of two. Trying to savor these moments with my boys as I move oh. so. slowly through the day.

All your friends are waiting for you!

Little girl, time to come out!

Animals crocheted by Aunt Ellen; cradle broken in by Mommy, Aunt Karen, and your two big brothers.

Just showing off

This is what the forecast looks like almost every day:

Cap was in town!

Some days

Some days the baby walks straight through the screen door that you just repaired the night before and pours a gallon of orange juice on the couch. But he says "Oh no! C'mon!" so cutely as he drags you over, and he did put the empty jug back in the fridge ...

But it's Friday evening and you're really tired and think you might just, like, leave it there or something, and you begin to lament your total lack of ability to get a task done and have it remain done, which is maybe he most frustrating part of parenting littles. And you feel your attitude sinking.

Then your neighbors knock to say goodbye because they're driving south to see their family for Eid, and they clean up the cushions for you! And so you decide to forget about dinner and let your wild boys (and yourself) play outside with the neighborhood kiddos until your man gets home and deal with it all -- sticky furniture and floors (Fabuloso and Little Green Machine to the rescue) nutrition needs (Mac n Cheese, whoop!), and filthy feet (eh, whatever) -- LATER.

And that was a good choice. :)

A lush life

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - from Mary Oliver's The Summer Day

A couple weekends ago Luke and I had a date day.  We left the (totally thrilled) boys with our neighbors and drove into San Francisco to take in the Museum of Modern Art, have coffees, wander around Golden Gate Park, eat at the Moss Room, and see the view from the observation tower at the de Young Museum.  For a few minutes I thought I was going to have a baby on the walk back to the car, but here I sit 2 weeks later and still pregnant.  39+ weeks.  Come on, baby girl.  We want to see you!  On the way home Luke suggested we stop by LUSH to buy some soap and my heart melted. 

LUSH is a fun soap store chain with a history for me.  I first found it when I was 20, traveling in Venice with my dear redheaded look alike friend.  Then, right before Luke and I got married, he was interviewing with Mozilla out here and found the store himself.  Without knowing that I loved it, he brought soap souvenirs back to College Station for me.  So the soap, in addition to smelling great, makes me warm inside with memories of independence and love.

And you know what?  The store name fits my life right now.  Not in the flirty drunk definition (honestly I'm looking forward to a little more drinking and husband-flirting to come, post-pregnancy), but in the rich green and growing way.  Our home, our yard, my body is spilling over with life and growth!  I love the tumbling pace of having these two little boys with me all day and knowing another child is on the way.  It is MESSY and oh I know how tired I'm going to be, and the rawness of preschool emotions just flattens me on pretty much a daily basis, but it is rich. And wild.  And just what I want to be doing with this one precious life right now.  Hooray for babies and my twenties and all this creative power.

Morning Bookies

Our house is full to the brim of cute right now, and about to overflow.

Cheetah Boy

Our neighborhood this morning

Knock knock.

Good morning! It's your friendly neighborhood toddler here to do a little radiation scan.  Oops, did I forget my pants again? 

The boys and friends had lots of fun playing with my old "bomb finder" this week.

July Highlights

Seven favorite things from the last month:

1. Beach trip
For the first half of the month, the boys and I traveled! (I count it as a business trip because flying/packing/living with a 3 year old and1 year old while7.5 months pregnant means I took my work with me.)  First we went to Texas for a beach weekend.  Two of my close friends have two boys each, just about the same ages as Scott and Mark.  We've been talking about a beach weekend FOREVER and decided that we had to make it happen.  The littlest boys stayed home with dads/grandparents and we took off with the 4 bottle-free, nap-flexible blondies.  While we did run into a few snags (thunderstorms and general preschool cooped-up fuss) it was a great trip.  The boys swam, flew kites, and watched movies together, and the 3 of us stayed up wayyyyy too late talking. It was worth the trip for that alone.  A weekend with these women is better than a year in counseling. 

Biggest regret of the trip: we have so few pictures! As in, 2 total and no group shot. 3 moms (2 of us pregnant) + 4 boys + gear + rain forecasts = no hands for cameras.  Here's one Shanna got of the boys, ready to swim but stuck inside due to lightning:

They're awesome, aren't they?

2. Blue Ridge
Next the boys and I flew to Georgia to see my parents, my aunt and uncle and cousin, and the cabin.  We had such adventures!  Scott is an adorable and enthusiastic fisherman:

We love picking blueberries:

Mark is happy to model Mardi Gras beads:

And we love the river, especially in 100 degree heat.  Pregnant tubing lady from the front:

VERY pregnant tubing lady (and family) from the side:

3.  Homecoming
When we came home, it was so good to be reunited with Luke.  2+ weeks apart is a long time for us. We missed him like crazy.  All 3 of us love him to death.  We've been hiking (slowly), riding kiddie trains at parks, eating burgers and hot wings, and generally enjoying our last weeks as a family of 4.

4.  Wagner visit
More family fun! The Wagners visited!  I don't have a single picture; so upsetting.  After weeks of grandparent attention from both sides the boys were terribly upset to be left alone.  They kept wondering why no one was getting them dinner, doing the dishes, and offering to take the boys while they took a nap ... OH WAIT THAT WAS ME. 
5. More friend time
Last weekend Karen threw a party to celebrate Baby Wagner's anticipated arrival. I got to go out to tea and then have craft time with wonderful ladies I'm lucky to call my friends.  It was so fun.  My sister is the best.  Everyone else wishes she was their sister!  But she's mine! Hah!  And I don't have to share her with any other siblings!

I also have NO PICTURES of that event, but look at the cute invite K made:

 6.  The boys' independence
This month I celebrate not only our nation's independence, but my sons'.  Mark is officially out of the crib and sleeping in the bottom bunk!  Very sweet.  He's a funny one: in the mornings, he gets up and explores the house a bit before waking me up.

And Scott?  Scott is car independent.  He opens and closes his own door and does all his own booster seat buckling and unbuckling (with the aid of a buckle extender, which is a NECESSITY for parents of 4-year-olds, especially if you're planning on putting 3 car seats in a row).  It's a new world!

7.  Making it full-term
Okay, technically I'm not full-term (37 weeks) until Thursday, but I think I'm pretty safe assuming that the next 26 hours will not include delivering a baby girl, so HOORAY!  NO PREMIE WAGNERS!  I am so excited to meet this little lady and so is Luke.  She is going to have some mighty protective big brothers.  Her cradle is almost ready and I need to finish washing her clothes, but the teensy car seat is by the door and we are thrilled to meet her! 

Also, before she's born I must get my camera working so I can share her sweet little face with you all.  TOMORROW.

Lavender Harvest

Backyard lavender harvest: 2 boys in matching pjs with safety scissors. This is what I expected California to be like!

It was also a nice note in which to end a preschool tantrum filled day. Whew. Glad this one is done.

Till later,
Jenn

Brothers

"scary" part in the turtle movie. they held hands. my heart melted.