Baby artist

Preschoolers at Fort Worth's Modern will be studying June's works one day.

Happy White Friday!

I stole that title line from my MIL. Cute, huh? We woke up to Mark cheering "Snowwwww! It's snowwwww!" and Scott claiming it's ice, not snow, because snow should be soft. June doesn't like it at all. I think it's great and am thrilled to have a baby-sized snow storm. The whole city is closed and the streets are still pure snowy white at noon. We drank hot cocoa for breakfast and I'm planing a snow hike for later today.

Maybe, though, it could melt so my parents can drive up to see Scott sing with the church choir on Monday?

Littles lately

She wears 30-year-old hand-me-downs from mama.

Our tree, ablaze, in autumn.

He found my make up and made himself Frida.

Mark's robot ears

Mark got hearing aids yesterday.  We've already heard him make new consonant sounds!  I'm working hard to keep those tiny machines safe.

Holding rainbows

We're at the Fort Worth Museum of Science and History, one of the many impressive and accessible museums near our house, and I'm corralling my wild mustangs who have scattered around the lobby/stairs/giant purple Christmas tree. This is the only spot snacks are allowed, and I know they all need a little food and a bathroom trip before we see the exhibits if I want to avoid meltdowns. It takes patience to convince everyone of this now that they are too old and too many to simply scoop up. I'm head down, really sticking to the must-do mothering list when I notice that we have rainbows dancing on our hands.

A little bit of physics magic lifts my head and reminds me to appreciate the fleeting, beautiful moments with my own little rainbows.

*we are the lucky ones*

Green smoothies

These are a breakfast favorite at our house right now!

For 1 meal-sized serving, blend:
1/2 a pear
1 frozen banana (I peel overripe ones and freeze in a big ziplock)
3 prunes or 2 dates (or honey)
2 tsp chia seeds
2 handfuls kale leaves
3/4 c almond or coconut milk
5 ice cubes

Found in the driveway

3 little elves washing the car this morning!

A few jewels for my memory chain

Today Scott brought me his empty velcro Angry Birds wallet and said "Mom, can you fill this with money for me?" 

At bedtime he came downstairs and said "For some reason, my head just keeps filling up with sort of scary thoughts." I love how he explains things. He sat next to me and fell asleep while I typed this.

Mark likes to give June a bottle or her baby doll whenever she whines. 

Today he biked his little heart out on the Benbrook trail (so beautiful!) trying to keep up with "Granpop" and Daddy.  

June is not inclined to be still and quiet these days.  Scott sang with the children's choir at mass last night, and I was pulling out all my tricks to keep her calm so I could watch.  We were patrolling the wall behind the last row of pews and found another little girl her age.  They hugged.  They walked apart, turned around and saw each other again, and hugged.  They decided they needed to be held by their mamas ... while hugging.  It was little toddling baby hugfest back there.  Melts my big pink girly heart. 

A really nice Saturday

My very classy sister-in-law Kelly is getting married! Today there was a bridal shower and I had the chance to spend time with some of the women who are a big part of her past and future: mothers and sisters of the bride and groom, neighbors, and dear family friends. What a treat. I love women.

On the way home I saw these strange things in the road and picked up a couple for the boys to smash. Do you know what they are? Horse apples!

And in just hours, we get Luke back from his business trip. What a good day.

This afternoon

The biggest of the little llamas stayed home sick with mama today. (Hah, he looks fine now though, doesn't he?) It's something I think about when I think about working. Since kids, I've always worked from home, so while sick days meant late nights to make up hours, it was no biggie. I remember reading that vaccines played a big part in getting mothers into the workforce because previously, someone had to be available to quarantine children during outbreaks.

Working parents, how do you handle sick days?

No Big Plans

The kiddos and I took a trip to see my parents last weekend. (A big reasons for moving to Texas was the chance for them to have time with their grandparents.)  I like itineraries, and some sort of plan is required for preschool/toddler bodies and minds, but this weekend we didn't plan much ahead of time.  The boys loved pushing Cap into the too-cold pool, making cookies with Juju, and playing on the edge of the wilderness at Comanche Peak park.  June came bridesmaid's dress shopping with me.  We "fished" for stuffed animals with ribbons and hangers, played with the neighbors' dog, and brought home a couple old non-working cell phones that have been ringing off the hook with imaginary calls from all the aunties and uncles.

It was very nice.  I still love a plan, but maybe I can do this living well in the moment thing a little more often. 

Also ...

... I'm not supposed to do this at the park.

Backyard

 

I make plans to walk to the park, but we keep getting stuck back here.  It's just so lovely ... and convenient ... and I don't really need to meet new folks, do I? ... oh my gosh I'm loosing my non-suburb superpowers already.  SOS urbanites, we're happily drowning.  

Truly though, our place is perfect.  Backyard, but we walk to the doctor's office and museums.  4 bedrooms AND a view of the skyline.  xoxo Fort Worth cultural district, you are the total package.

He's 5!

The little man you see here just caught a grasshopper on his own. (It's in his hand.) He rides a huge, very big boy bike. He loves cap guns, dinosaur books, board games, the Secret Agent Man and Hard Rock Hallelujah songs, and tortellini. He does, he goes, he tries and tries again. Preschool is going really well for him and he's fond of his teachers.

These past few months with Scott have been especially cool. I love seeing him grow and having more mature conversations about science, poetry, people, and prayer.

5 years dude. We're so lucky.

Happy Birthday Mark

Mark, you're three today.  You are tough and helpful.  You like to help Daddy with handy man chores.  Grocery shopping with you is fun.  You're good at bringing June toys.  You are very sad (and tantrum-prone) when you can't stay at preschool like Scott, but you LOVE when you get to go.  I'm having a blast taking you to music class where you sing so sweetly and politely.  Until recently, you sang "Jingle Bells" as the lyrics to every song, but now you have quite a repertoire.  When you sing with us in Mass, my heart glows and I think God's does, too.

Your favorite book is Richard Scarry's Best Word Book Ever.  You are soaking up the vocab!   You go bananas for airplanes, swimming pools, and attention from extended family.  You said "thank you" for your birthday presents and we say thanks that you are part of our family.

Happy Birthday Junebug!

Last Friday, our little peach turned 1!  Her (still very 2 year old) brother pre-opened her presents and pre-smashed her cake for her.  Want to see her enjoy it anyway?

I thought so.

Happy Grandparents' Day

 

Tell me, who gets so lucky as to have 4 grandparents, every single one of whom is up for babysitting/fishing/swimming/playing games/reading bedtime stories/YOU NAME IT?  Oh, and they all give really.  really. good presents.  

Cap, Juju, Grandpa, and Flash: stop it, you make us parents look bad.

(But don't really stop.) 

They love you and we do too.

First day of pre-K (take 2!)

In California, Scott would be in kinder. But here we get an extra year of preschool! We signed Scott up for a morning preschool and we'll still get to play all afternoon.

P. S. - It was 100 degrees on the first day, of course.  I have no idea why he wanted to wear his rain jacket!

An excellent reason to have a front porch

Boy on bicycle

Mark, two weeks before his third birthday, is riding without training wheels. He loved the balance bike and watching us pedal, so I gave him the bike to try. He didn't like it at all for a couple days, but this morning he insisted on riding to the park.

On the way there, he balanced and watched Scott like a hawk. On the way back, he started peddling. It was so emotional for him! He fell down a lot, of course, but always wanted to get right back on. He was excited and scared and proud and in bawling tears from that emotional cocktail 2 blocks before home. (Long recovery nap after that.) But after dinner, when he showed Dad his new skill, he was happiness and pride.

And I'm so proud of him, too! Not for the peddling, who cares about training wheels anyway? I'm so proud of his courage. I love encouraging him. I want to say "Okay, let's try it. I believe in you. How can we make this happen?" when he has big, wild ideas like riding bikes to the park at 2 years old, or building tree houses at 12, or teaching at an Indian orphanage at 22.

He and his brother are little powerhouses. They talk to everyone and touch everything. They ask loud questions all the livelong day. These boys have a thirst for life. They want to know and try and do!

I'll admit there are times, many times, when I wish them still and quiet. I want others to see clean, obedient little ducklings and think I am a good mother because I have "good" children.

But I remind myself that the goal is not to raise humans whose primary character trait is well-behaved. God sent me (at least*) two powerhouses, and I am going to do my best to raise curious, empowered, brave people. Boy on a bicycle today, man tomorrow.

What are the most important traits you want for your children (biological or not?) What traits do you think are universally important, regardless of personality?


*I don't know June well enough yet to say about her personality.

Staying cool in 100 degrees

Loving life at the Fort Worth Museum of Science and History/National Cowgirl Museum/Cattle Raisers' Museum

It's just weeks before June's first birthday and I've really wanted to record her birth story.  Here it is, as accurately as I can remember 348 days later.

Wednesday, September 5th: a preschooler!

On Wednesday, September 5th I was 40 weeks and 13 days pregnant. It was Scott's first day of preschool (though he'd gone to daycare when I was working) so I ran a few errands with Mark (I remember having a key made) and had coffee with friends, including the fabulous Sarah L.  I was going on about how no one EVER went 40w+13 and Sarah told me she was 40w+17 with her baby.  I think my jaw must've hit the table.  A very pregnant momma of two very busy boys does not want to imagine waiting 3 or 4 more days for aid to arrive in the form of paternity leave, aunts, and grandmothers!

I wanted to trust our bodies and wait for our daughter to come on her own time, but I wasn't doing a great job.  Her movements seemed decreased and I wanted to hold her and be reassured she was alright. I tried everything to start labor.  Best ideas included eating cherry pie and driving to a remote beach where Luke drank beers, hoping to invoke Murphy's Law labor.  Worst idea was running 2 miles and getting blisters that took 3 months to heal.

Suzanne Solsonna took this picture of my three babes

Hiking Rancho San Antonio with Karen, 41 weeks and wearing one of the only 2 dresses that still fit

Last beach trip as a family of 4

At 5:00 pm, I left the boys with our dear neighbors and went to my scheduled appointment with the midwives.  My dates weren't exact, so I knew the midwives would allow, even encourage, waiting if all looked healthy.  My hope was that a plan of action would be clear and I wouldn't have to choose whether to induce labor.  We took a non-stress test -- I remember relishing the fact that I could sit in an upholstered chair in the quiet, softly lit room, drinking juice and listening to the sound of the baby's heartbeat for 20 minutes, with no one to chase or wipe or correct :) -- and had an ultrasound to measure the amount of amniotic fluid.  I had done these things a few times after 41 weeks, and it looked like the fluid was decreasing.  Also, I was at 5 cm.  Just walking around town, 5 cm.  There has got to be a law against that. 

I had been taking it as easy as possible, with Luke doing solo weekend hikes with the boys while I napped, so I knew things weren't going to perk up.  Midwife Lin suggested it was time to get the baby out and I was thrilled.  These Wagner babies have a weird way of staying in the womb until they are ejected.  I headed home to meet Luke and prep the boys and called Karen, who started driving up from Monterey. I can't remember when I called the grandparents, but I remember being so happy to tell them there was a plan.

I excitedly buzzed around the house with Luke, feeding the boys some Kraft mac 'n' cheese, showering, and taking them back to the neighbors'.  The whole complex had been on baby watch for weeks, so we had a big send off!  On the drive we were both cheery and talked about names, especially how much we liked "June".  I like laboring with Luke. I feel like it really highlights what a good team we make. 

On our way to the hospital at 7:30.  Very happy and not a bit in labor.

It is a funny thing to walk into L&D when you are not in L.  You feel like a faker.  It's very hard to believe that you'll be holding a baby soon.  Forms were filled and outfits donned and amniotic sac broken by about 8:00 pm. Lin left to rest and told me she expected strong contractions by 10.

Last belly picture!

Here's how I feel about labor: once you know you're going to do it, you might as well DO IT.  I walked, I jogged the hallway, I demi plie, demi plie, GRAN PLIE'd my way around that hospital bed.  Karen arrived and hung out with us, watching the contraction monitor.  I was pretty chipper ... until I wasn't.

Around 9:30 I was feeling a lot of discomfort.  I futzed around the question of "epidural or no?", my very favorite worry stone in the final weeks of pregnancy.  Luke gave me a square (if somewhat tired of the discussion) look and told me I was so good at natural labor that it seemed a shame not to do it.  So with that decided, I started retreating inward.  Karen went to the waiting room.  Luke and I quit joking and talking and I walked, breathed, and swayed.  He was totally tuned in and supportive.  We went to the jacuzzi down the hall for a while, and somewhere on the walk back I quit caring about nudity.  This is when I know things are getting serious.  One minute I'm all "Oh the gown is gaping!  Where's my robe tie?" and the next I'm pulling everything off.  I stayed covered to get back to the room, but only not to embarrass Luke. 

With each contraction I'd visualize opening and try to reach deeper into the stretch, not fighting it.  The lights were very dim. The nurse was there sometimes and I remember liking her a lot.  I remember thinking a lot about seaweed and trying to meld my body into a strand of kelp, swaying with the tide.  I shimmied my hips in gigantic figure 8s and wagged an imaginary tail. Luke rubbed my back and touched my hair when I asked.  We were very quiet.  Each contraction engulfed me completely, tugging me under and away from reality, then dumped me on the shore feeling perfectly fine for 60-90 seconds before the next wave arrived.

At midnight Lin came to the room.  It was as if an orchestra conductor had entered the stage and tapped the baton.  The room remained dark except for spotlights.  She was quiet and certain.  She said the baby would be here within an hour.

Up to this point, I was very. very. zen.  Hypnobirther, even.  I remember the nurse, offering to apply counterpressure during a contraciton, asking me where the most pain was and answering, all druggy, "Pain isn't the word for it."  It was intense, wrenching and all-consuming, not at all pleasant and something I wanted to end, but not painful. But I told her, coming out of my trance for a moment, that during delivery I lost confidence and needed specific pushing instructions and encouragement. 

And lost it I did.  In the last minutes before June arrived, I started crying out, even yipping like a puppy.  I tore the monitor bands off my belly. The fear turned the crushing intensity into PAIN.  Horrible horrible pain.  I looked up at Luke between pushes and whine/screamed "This is awful!", sure that I'd be stuck in this place eternally.  Surely I was making no progress.  He kind of laughed and said "Yeah but it's about to be aweSOME."  I remember feeling pouty that no one would take me seriously for the seconds before the pain pulled me under again, and being so sure it would last forever and then ...

It was awesome.  I could feel her head.  And then she was born, at 1:01 a.m. Thursday's child.  I can't remember if she cried.  She was so tiny and warm.  Like each time before, I was stunned to be holding a baby, as if some person in charge decided I had worked hard enough and so turned off the pain and handed me a baby from a cupboard.  The feeling of relief to be holding your live baby and the hormonal high after so much work is the biggest rush that life has to offer.  She was redheaded.  She nursed.  We took pictures. Karen came in.  I cried a lot. 

Our baby was peaceful from the get go.  We named her Annika June: June, a blend of the names Jenn and Luke; and Annika, a sweet little version of Ann, the middle name my mother and I share.  She's been with us almost a year and I am thankful to God every day.

Self-portrait in hospital room

Want to see her now?  She has a little heart face and baby blue eyes.  She's still peaceful. She has us all wrapped around her teeny fingers.

 

Little pilot

He just finished building his very first model with Dad and now we're painting.

Komodo Dragon Tamers at the Fort Worth Zoo

Chillin'

Hangin' in the caboose 'cause that's how they roll.

New weird name for your celebrity baby

Earlier today I heard Scott say "This is a story about Dracula and the evil witch Lasagna."

4 year olds rock.

June bug crawls!

Good morning Texas, goodbye California

We made it to El Paso last night! We are officially in Texas. It has been a whirlwind month. The boys are worn out :)

This spring Luke and I decided we were ready to say goodbye to beautiful Silicon Valley. We had taken our time making the decision, because we love California and our neighbors, but ultimately we wanted to own a house while our children are young. I wanted the freedom to make our own decisions about how to use the space, to have pets, to modify the rooms and land in a way that makes little ones feel welcome. And I wanted a little more privacy. We looked in SV, but weren't interested in any of the homes in our price range. (That area is la-la-land when it comes to real estate. It's la-la about a lot of things, actually, but I love most of it.)

Luke's career comes with this excellent perk that he can work remotely. We can live anywhere! There were a few hours we dreamed about an Indonesian island home. There was a long stretch we thought about traveling for a year, but that's a lot of logistics with a 0, 2, and 4 year old. We considered moving just outside SV so Luke could commute in as needed. But in the end, the idea of being near family was our best.

My sister and her family are Navy (they left California this week, too, on a big adventure!), so we'll catch time near them as we can. My parents are in San Antonio(though maybe moving), and the Wagner homestead is in Fort Worth. So one month ago we flew to DFW, found a house, made an offer. This week we closed on it, sold a car (while Karen and Daniel watched the 4 cousins), packed a U-Haul, and now we're driving. Whew/woo!

We watched the 4th of July fireworks from I-5 on our way to LA. We cooled off in Phoenix at the coolest lazy river resort. The boys loved the lightning storms on I-10 but June hated them. We said hi to cousins, recharged at an Aunt and Uncle's, and are about to say hi to both great grandmas before driving the last few hundred miles to our new home. All 4 of our parents are going to be there this week!

Let the (next) Texas years begin!

2 sleepy babies

"Hey cous, how come we're napping in these things all the time these days?"
"My parents are boxing up everything in the house."
"My parents decided we don't need a house!"

Wagners mooooooo-ve to Texas on Friday and the Hogues are vagabonding for a year!

3 little pilots

At Hiller Aviation Museum in San Mateo

4 cousins (and 4 grown ups) feed a rabbit

Here's another snapshot of this wild, happy, unposed life! Welcome to the wonderful, baby Cooper. We Wagners wuved wandering awound with you yesterday. And your dad grills a good burger.

Cooking

This morning I found 2 bouillon cubes unwrapped and placed carefully on the stove burners. ?!?

Wildflowers

This year's wildflower picture with the California Poppies next our California poopies.

Mermaid mama

Just wanted to give you a look at this long-haired, ocean-loving mama-to-be. My sister is so cute. I can't wait to see my nephew any day now!

Somebody loves IKEA meatballs an mama's undivided attention!

Recharged

Luke is back to work today after a week off. We are all recharged! Three preschoolers and two parents makes for smooth adventures. We are all as happy as a redheaded baby gumming an Oreo.

5 years married!

They are my wild

These are Friday nights:
All of us anticipating the arrival of a weekend and dad.
Stop by the taqueria and bouncy castle after preschool, park, and t-ball.
No makeup remains (not much there to start). Mark's missing a button. Scott not pleased with the camera. June's traded in her bow for a plantain smears.
Within moments they've all traded places: the sad one happy, the calm crazy, the silly tearful.

A shabby, shifting, sweet sort of poetry to this tumbling time of life.

Polite demands from the neighborhood mafioso

"Plese finde sum rolepolese and bring thume to apartmete numbre 8."

Last weekend

Last weekend June and I left the menfolk here and headed south for a little sister time. It was awesome. We ate cheese and had a baby shower and fell asleep 10 minutes into The West Wing. My very own sister is growing a baby. My little Karen, with whom I shared childhood, a room (but only for 9 months once in college), and a beloved nuke department, will now share The Experience of MOTHERHOOD. As Luke would say: we are grown ups for real, yo. And our toes are pretty to boot. We picked each others' colors.

The Boys' Morning Workout

involves monster truck tires at the Crossfit gym by our park.

June's morning workout

is holding her head up when it's weighed down with an enormous bow!

Oh baby girl

This girl. I laid her in her crib and apologized for leaving her there, fussy, while I dealt with some mess (3 babes = 3x the joy, but also 3x the vomit/etc!). She got tired of waiting for me and put herself to sleep. Baby no. 3, you just earned one night of extended curfew in your teens.